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Three Kingdoms Skit

Characters: Narrator, Goguryeo (Jumong, Gwanggaeto), Baekje (Onjo), Silla (Park Hyeokgeosae)
Narrator: Fifty years before christ. In Europe, Rome conquers Greece, Carthage(Hannibal), Egypt and Israel and becomes the Roman Empire)
Abbreviations
(G) Goguryeo
(B) Baekje
(S) Silla

Park Hyeokgeosae kneels down in an egg shape
Park Hyeokgeosae(S): I am born! I found Silla.
Jumong(G) Yes! I am the son of God! I founded Goguryeo
Onjo(B) Hi Dad. I want my own country. (Moves away from Jumong). Here, I’ll found Baekje.
Jumong(G). Oh my god, there’s all these chinese colonies around. let’s crush them! Horse mounting soldiers, follow me! (Runs around blandishing an imaginary sword)
Onjo(B): yes! Die! (runs around)

Narrator: three hundred years after christ. In Europe, the Christian religion expands quickly through the Roman Empire, and germanic tribes start invading Rome’s northern provinces.

Park Hyeokgeosae(S) oops, I died (plops down)
Onjo(B) I can’t be four hundred years old right? I’ll go back to the tomb (plops down)
Geun Chogo(B): I am the new king! I made a lot of ships! Japan, let’s be friends! Hey China, let me sell you some iron. (Runs back and forth between China and Baekje’s land) Silla, die! (punches Silla’s king) Goguryeo may be big but we can beat them! (punches Goguryeo’s king.) I’m stronng! Muahaha

Jumong(G) I died but King Gwanggaeto is even stronger!
Gwanggaeto(G) I’ll beat you all! Let’s recover my father’s land! (beats Baekje’s king) Wow Baekje, that city is really nice and has a lot of people. I’ll take Hanseong. Silla, you are a joke. Why don’t you die already? (beats Silla’s king).

Narrator: Two hundred years later, it’s the sixth century AD. In Europe, the French Kingdom splits from Rome, and Persians fight with Rome.

China’s Su Dynasty (Narrator): I conquered the entire region of China. I rule the world! (does a LOL motion) Hey, who’s up there north? You need to obey my orders!
(G) Shut up.
China: how can you ignore me! Generals! Put all our troops together. I’m going to invade that puny piece of land with one million soldiers. (Gives orders in four directions) Let’s go! (Marches to Goguryeo)
Baekje: (hides behind Goguryeo’s back) If China conquers Goguryeo, we all are going to die too!
Silla: I’m scared!
Goguryeo: Let’s defend ourselves! We may have 300 thousand soldiers, but we have brains too! General Ulji Mundeok, go and drown them in the river!
(Goguryeo punches China and China steps back to Chinese land. After breathing hard a bit, China marches again to Goguryeo. Goguryeo punches China again, who steps back to China and plops dead)
Goguryeo: we won!
Silla: phew (cleans sweat on his forehead)
China: not so quick! I’m the brand new dynasty of Tang. We are smarter than the old dynasty. (Marches into Goguryeo. Goguryeo punches China in the eye)
China: ack! I can’t see! Let’s go back to Chinese lands

Kim Chunchu(S): sssh! everyone be quiet (sneaks in between Goguryeo and Silla, and meets China) Tang Dynasty, I propose you a deal.
China: what is it?
(Kim Chunchu and China confer in secret)
China: wow, that’s great. Let’s form a military alliance against Goguryeo and Baekje.

Kim Yusin(S): Baekje, I declare war to you! (Silla marches to Baekje)
Baekje: ok, let’s fight! (Baekje and Silla exchange punches)
Tang Dynasty (C): you didn’t see htis one coming, eh (kicks Baekje from behind. Baekje plops down and dies) Now it’s your turn, Goguryeo! (rubs hands)

Yongesomun(G): this is dangerous! Every castle must build higher walls, and defend yourself!
(Baekje and Silla march to Goguryeo and kick him three times. Goguryeo plops down and dies)
Dae Joyeong(G): You will all pay for this! Let’s escape! (runs north)

Silla: (looks at China). hey Tang Dynasty, don’t you want to go back to your land? I mean, I want all of Goguryeo’s lands.
China: nope, that was not the contract
Silla: what contract are you talking about?
China: this contract! (punches Silla. they start fighting)
Silla: ok, we are both tired. You can take those northern lands.
China: good thinking (sits where it is)

Dae Joyeong(G) ta-da! I founded Balhae

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